Process
When I came back, I thought this was my time of saving myself. Yet, it hasn’t felt that way whatsoever. Leaving that place, leaving everything that I dreamt of behind. I thought that it was the way I was going to save myself.
I never thought that all my dreams would come crashing down, just like a literally rollercoaster. Was it meant to happen? Have I been lied to all this time?
People have always seen something in me, something so big, I’m supposed to make so many things, I’m supposed to be this entire magical creature, that will just do fine. That’s what I’ve been told pretty much my entire life. Pretty much since I was a child trying to figure out what was happening, why strange things were happening, yet nobody was there to protect me, but at the same time they were there. It was frustating even as a child, to be this type of human that just needed everything to be okay. But everything was never okay.
I remember so many details that my own brain tries to reconnect with certain memories, with specific ones, so my now awareness is bigger than ever. Or that’s what I like to think.
Coming back, has definately been something I hadn’t been expecting, but I’ve just been ok. Everything is moving quite fast, and I’m doing my best to keep track to what I should be doing.
Study, graduate, study, graduate, study, graduate, and maybe study 2 more times and graduate 2 more times. Get that fucking job your father/mother/any one else is fucking and fucking you to get, and if you don’t get it you’re practically a piece of shit, am I right? Oh, but we forget that for you to get a very nice paying job at least, you have to HAVE a certain amount of time already right? You have to HAVE experience. That’s what every fucking adult talks about. If you don’t have enough experience, how will you do a good job? Oh, so basically start experincieng everything since you’re 10 fucking years old, because if not, you ain’t getting it.
Society has failed greatly to all of the young adults, children. Everyone deserves a chance, and so many people only get one, let alone 2. “But, I’ll work my entire life if I have to.” Johnny says. Well, Johnny, what about any other plans you’ve got? Will you spend all of your younger years of life working? Will you spend literally all of your family money and get into student loans for the rest of your life and probably your next of kin? Oh, that’s right, you’ll work your entire life even if that’s that last thing you do, right?
I get it. Society works like this. No work, no jobs, no oppenings, no capitalism or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It’s always something fucked. It’s always society, humans, what do they have that I don’t, BUT I WANT IT, I DON’T CARE HOW OR IF I’LL HURT ANYONE IN THE PROCESS.
Process. It’s been something that even though I have to go through it, it’s painful as fuck. Even though I wish I wouldn’t need to go through, I have to.
Process takes time. How much do I have left, tho?